Losing your virginity is and has always been a big deal in man
y different cultures. But there are a few things I wish I would’ve known beforehand.
Losing
your virginity is such a personal story about a powerful time in your
life. Everyone has a different experience and you’ll never get to “redo”
that moment. That being said, there are also a lot of commonalities
amongst the newly deflowered.
Although
you won’t lose your virginity at the same age as someone else or even
in the same way, you still have something in common with them: after
you’ve done the deed, things are *very* different.
What I wish I—and you probably wish you—knew before saying goodbye to virginity
Now, I
guess you could say that I got “the talk” at some point in my very early
adolescent years, but it was nothing close to divulging everything I
wish I would’ve known. My mom really only covered the basics—all things I
had learned in health class the year before.
But
what I really wanted—and sort of needed—to know were all things I didn’t
find out until after I had lost my virginity forever. So here they all
are, laid out in their truest form: the dirty truth about losing your
virginity that no one—not even your best friend—told you.
#1 Ladies: it hurts, but not as much as you think. There
is this huge misconception about how painful losing your virginity is.
Honestly, it does depend on each person, because no one’s bodies are the
same, but the movies and stories you’ve heard have been dramatized a
bit.
This is
especially true if you’ve engaged in other sexual activities prior to
intercourse—which most people have, since it’s a natural progression. It
will hurt a little and you’ll feel some pain, but it’s usually brief
and not as bad as you expect.
#2 It’ll probably be really, really awkward. I
won’t sugarcoat this too much. Sex for the first time is just awkward.
You’ve never done it, it’s physically uncomfortable *for the ladies*,
and you’re suspended in a very vulnerable state for some time. It’ll be a
little awkward at first. Luckily, it does pass.
#3 You actually have to be prepared. Now,
I don’t know about any of you, but when I lost my virginity, I was at
an age where I was definitely not allowed to have boys in my room with
the door closed… which means we had to really plan out when we were
going to do it and where it was all happening. That’s not even to
mention protection and birth control—all of which had to be taken care
of beforehand.
#4 It won’t be good. At
all. If it is, then you’re extremely lucky or just don’t know what
“good” sex feels like yet. And you shouldn’t, because it’s your first
time. Because it’s physically uncomfortable for the ladies, it usually
doesn’t feel all that great. And for you fellas out there, it might feel good to you, but won’t be very good in any other sense of the word.
#5 You will feel completely different. Even
though this is a typical and cliché point, it’s true. Afterward, you
will feel like a different person. Being vulnerable and giving yourself
to someone in a way that you’ve never done before is going to take a
toll on your psyche—and not necessarily in a bad way.
#6 Your relationship will get better. If
you lose your virginity to someone who actually cares for you and you
are in a relationship, things might get a lot better. There’s a
closeness that you have with someone you’ve slept with that doesn’t
compare to a sex-free relationship. There’s a level of comfort that
comes into play.
#7 But it could also get worse. Now,
on the other hand, it could cause things to get a bit rocky.
Awkwardness, tension, and even uncertainty can put a damper on any
relationship. Sometimes, people feel guilty if it’s too soon and it can
leave your relationship a little broken.
#8 When you say you’re ready, you’re ready. There
is no magic age where you’re automatically ready to have sex with
someone. That doesn’t exist. You’re ready when you say you are and ONLY
when you say you are. Nobody else has the power to tell you that just
because you’re a 20-year-old that you’re ready for it.
#9 It won’t be like in the movies. Nope.
When teens *or adults* lose their virginity in movies, it seems sweet,
simple, and easy. Don’t let those movies fool you. Just like romantic
comedies paint an unrealistic picture of what relationships are like,
movies also don’t show the real side of losing your v-card.
#10 They don’t care what your body looks like. For
some reason, I was super self-conscious about whether my body would
look good naked. Maybe because no one had ever seen me naked before—I
don’t know. But the truth is that if you’re naked in front of someone
for the first time, they’re only paying attention to those special
little bits you’ve got—not the extra couple pounds you’ve put on. [Your
weight might not matter, but your scent does.
#11 You might be disappointed. Because
you’ve built up all this hype in your mind of how your first time is
supposed to go, you might be disappointed by the real thing. You’ve also
probably been watching too many unrealistic movies. The real thing is
raw, vulnerable, and not all that romantic.
#12 You probably won’t finish. This
is mainly for you girls out there. Guys who lose their virginity
usually finish—quickly. Girls, on the other hand, well… not so much. Due
to the length of time it takes women to finish and the length of time
it’ll take your guy to finish, it’s likely that you won’t. Not to
mention the fact that your nerves will make it damn near impossible!
#13 It’s special for the other person, too. If
you’re both losing your virginity, or even if you are and they’re not,
it’s special for the other person, too. If they’re losing their
virginity, it’s just as important to them as it is to you because they
haven’t done anything like it, either.
If
they’ve done it before and you haven’t, it might be even more special
for them. They get to take something so special to you even if you’re
not taking it from them. This makes them want to make sure it’s done
right and well for you.
#14 You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. Absolutely
no one needs to know about it. A lot of people feel like they have to
tell someone once the deed is done, like an announcement that they’re no
longer a virgin. But this is unnecessary. If you want to keep it to
yourself, kind of like your own little secret, then by all means—do
that!
#15 It’s not that big of a deal. Society
has built up such a stigma around losing your virginity that it seems
like a big deal to most people. It’s really not. Honestly, it’s more
like a rite of passage. Just like when you learned to crawl, walk, and
ride a 2-wheel bike. It’s really not as big a deal as you think it is.
And once it’s over with, you’ll realize that.
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